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Getting Kinky: How to Share Your Fetish or Fantasy | Psychology Today - Cruelty-Free Crush

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Verified by Psychology Today. Welcome back to The Attraction Doctor. Most everyone has some type of secret fantasy, fetish, or kinky desire. They have something in the back of their mind or tucked in the back of a closet that they are just dying to share with the right partner.

But, bringing up the topic with a date or mate can be difficult. How do you go from "sexual fantasies " to "reality"? Like most things on this blog, we can find the solution in persuasion and influence!

So, break out your kama sutra, BDSM gear, or that little nurses outfit, and read on. Below are 5 steps to introducing your partner to what really turns you on. Before you discuss your desires with anyone else, you first must be comfortable with them yourself. You may well be your partner's first introduction into the topic.

As a result, you will be leading them. If you are comfortable, they will be comfortable. Besides, despite the often sexually-repressive culture, everyone has something a bit "kinky". So, embrace your inner Fetish foot heel high in. Getting comfortable with your desired fetish or fantasy serves two persuasive purposes. First, you end up modeling the type of positive behavior you hope your partner follows. Second, you "normalize" the behavior and request, making it easier for your partner to accept as Are fetishes bad of their worldview.

When they see you discussing it comfortably, they come to feel that it is a normal and comfortable topic to discuss and later take part in. So, to be persuasive, get comfortable with your fantasy and accept it There is an unfortunate misconception that fantasies, fetishes, and kink necessarily "objectify" and "distance" lovers from one another.

Usually, just the opposite is true. Sharing your secret sexual cravings with a special partner can increase trust and intimacy. It is a special, private piece of who you are that you are giving to someone else. As a result, be sure to communicate that you want to share your fantasies or fetishes as "something intimate and special, with a special person". Highlight the fact that your partner is unique, special, and you desire to share the behavior as an intimate experience with them.

This operates on the influence principle of "scarcity" - where individuals value more what is special, rare, or unique. So, when you make the request intimate and special, you also make it scarce Pretty much anything you are into has some coverage in movies, magazines, videos, etc.

For some reason Netflix movies seem to be a goldmine for fantasy, fetish, and kink. In any case, lightly expose your partner to a bit of that "culture". Casually comment about an article you read. Select a movie that features that type of fetish. Show them a video online that a "buddy" happened to send you. Begin to expose them to positive representations of the activities you like.

Yes, this does follow another influence principle - the principle of social proof. Individuals often choose to do what they see other people doing especially when those people enjoy it. So, showing or discussing positive examples of "other people doing" what you desire will make your partner more interested and agreeable to it. We all have different "sides" or "selves".

The "self" that we have at work is different than the "self" we have with friends. Our "sexual self" is no different To ensure your partner's comfort and agreement with a topic, make sure to align it with aspects of their sexual self.

If they believe they are "adventurous" in bed, then praise their adventurousness and suggest your kink as an adventure. If they believe they are "intimate" in bed, then tell them you love their intimacy and suggest a fantasy as a further way of getting intimate. The appeal requires that you first get them to "commit" to a certain self-imagewhere they say the type of person they are.

You may do this in the form of a leading question e. Next, you affirm that self-image with an attribution of your own e. Finally, you present your desire in a way consistent with that self-image e. This process works on the self dynamics of your partner.

It helps them "see themselves as the kind of person" who would engage in a fantasy, fetish, or kink. Individuals are motivated to remain consistent to a self-image they project consistency or an image that others have of them attribution.

Therefore, when their image is in agreement with a behavior Don't bring out Toplist your pantyhose fetish or nylon latex suit and full body harness, or the entire clown outfit, on the first night. Ease them into it. Just the small toy. Then work your way up! Starting small allows your partner time to ease in, adjust and get comfortable.

It also makes a "yes" to larger requests later more likely. The principle is called the foot-in-the-door effect - where individuals who say yes to small requests initially are more likely to say yes to big requests later.

Let your partner ease in, then introduce something more, until you get to the whole fantasy. Sharing your fetish or fantasy with a partner can be a positive and persuasive experience. You don't have to keep quiet. Just get comfortable with what you want, to ask calmly and confidently. Make your partner feel special and unique to share your desires.

Show them positive examples of others enjoying what you like. Align the request with their self-image. Finally, start small and work your way up. Make sure you get the next article too! I keep my friends informed: Finally, remember to share, like, tweet, and comment below. Jeremy Nicholson The Attraction Doctor. Previous Articles from The Attraction Doctor. There also is mood music: Elvis Presley's "Don't Be Cruel" perhaps?

Speaking from my own experience, the most common pitfall is attempting to move forward with introducing fantasies or fetishes with a partner that has a low sexual self esteem, or overly rigid and simplistic sexual Crush fetish magazine, or has experienced any type of sexual victimization directly or indirectly with another family member as a sexual crime victim.

If any of these types of problems exist, they need to be addressed with your partner first before attempting to move forward and expanding your sexual horizons together. Many people like to ignore their own shortcomings and fool themselves and other into believing that they are open-minded, but when they have any of the above mentioned conditions and are confronted with new sexual activities, they will not be capable of being accepting of change as they likely will not have been able to have learned to enjoy being a sexually active person first.

People that encounter these issues in their partner need to work towards learning to enjoy and Foot fetish for free their partner first and to get their partner to enjoy and trust them.

Professional help should be considered if needed when people hit a roadblock that they cannot overcome. If you do not seek out help your relationship will stall and become stale. If you love someone and you are committed to each other, then both people owe the other partner the commitment to learn what both people need and then they both work toward providing that to for each other.

The words love, trust and commitment, cannot exist without being dependent on the other. Employing and enjoying all types of sexual pleasure are dependent on both persons working on it together.

This work is a recipe for a long successful sexual relationship and prevents couples from experiencing issues that lead to the dreaded 'D' words, discourse and ultimately divorce. People need to learn and realize that what you and your partner do with each other is your own business. If what you do keeps you together, then learn how to do it right for the long haul.

Sex becomes an obsession from the time we learn touching our genitalia feels good. We mature sexually and so have fulfilled the reproductive purpose biologically as teenagers. After that we just get more and more perverted to stay interested. I'm not judging anyone, bit stating facts.

Definitely agree with you. I was reading a similar article at https: I think being "kinky" is a normal part of sexual growth. Sorry folks, missionary position, procreational only gets old real quick. Spice it up in the bedroom and watch your life improve! How to be attractive to women by developing dominance or prestige.

Back Find a Therapist. Lessons You Won't Learn In School Here are 10 skills that will clarify your visions and bring you closer to your life goals. Night People in the Day World.

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Wet and messy fetish WAM , also known as sploshing , is a form of sexual fetishism whereby a person becomes aroused when copious amounts of a substance are applied to the naked skin, face, or to clothing. Many people with WAM fetishes are drawn to the tactile sensations of wet or messy substances against their skin. Other individuals simply prefer the visual appeal of others getting wet or messy with products that have different textures, consistencies and colours. A subject will often be pelted with cream pies sometimes using shaving foam rather than real cream pie filling , have slime dumped on them, or sit on cakes.

Another common theme is the pouring of substances inside clothing while it is being worn; clothing chosen for this can vary from swimsuits or underwear to full outfits. Normal street clothes, either casual or office wear, are commonly featured in WAM productions, but many other types of outfits, from wedding attire to industrial overalls or more specialist fetishwear such as PVC, latex, or leather items may be used.

White items are particularly popular with some fans of this fetish. Messy substances most commonly focused on by WAM participants include whipped cream, raw eggs, milk, lotion see lotion play , paint, oil, mud, pudding, chocolate sauce, fruit juice, beer, shaving foam, custard, baked beans, treacle , ketchup, ice cream, peanut butter, slime , and cake batter, among others.

A fetish for bodily fluids such as feces, urine, vomit, semen, and female ejaculate is not considered part of WAM. The former three are typically considered coprophilia , urophilia , and emetophilia ; urophilia is somewhat commonly found in mainstream pornography.

WAM fetish videos made by both fans and commercial producers may include nudity and sexual acts, while others may only feature fully clothed participants.

Videos can frequently be seen on public video hosting sites like YouTube. Some of these videos are flagged but most of them remain available despite the sexual undertones, mainly because a large majority of wet and messy videos posted publicly do not include nudity and are therefore considered suitable for all audiences to view. Indeed, not only is much WAM video content indistinguishable in any easily defined sense from the kind of slapstick featured in mainstream entertainment, but scenes of slimings or pieings from the mainstream media are often compiled and marketed by producers towards a WAM fetishist target audience.

There is some crossover between the wet and messy fetish and clothing destruction fetishes. Some WAM productions will see models start out fully dressed, usually in quite smart outfits such as formal dresses or suits; they will then be covered in messy substances, after which their messy clothes are cut up, typically with scissors, leaving them naked or nearly so. WAM is sometimes also combined with bondage , where a subject is first restrained or chained up and then hosed down or messed up.

While participants who sit on cakes for pleasure will do so for the tactile sensory experience, or as part of submissive role-playing, those who enjoy watching the act will often focus specifically on the crushing of the dessert as a visual stimulus for a sexual reaction. No conclusive research has been conducted into the psychology behind the fetish, however, it is not uncommon for fetishists to have been interested in the sensations of messy play since their formative years age with a sexual element manifesting with the onset of puberty.

For many, the simple breaking of taboos—doing what one was told not to as a child—brings about a sense of personal liberation. In any form, the fetish is about sensual stimulation, whether visual, tactile, or otherwise.

One unproven theory is that individuals drawn to WAM have low tactile sensitivity , which is increased and intensified by wet substances acting as a lubricant under applied pressure or friction.

Another aspect is the link to other fetishes, as some wet and messy play is done in a submissive or dominating way and has possible links to BDSM, the emphasis being on the humiliation of the victim, although this is often mitigated or negated by the victim taking it in good humour. The dominant partner inflicting the mess can also be an object of attraction as an assertive figure of playful mischief.

In one article, there was a reply to a letter from the roommate of someone who masturbates with condiments, possibly for fetishistic purposes.

Daniel Savage , the writer of Savage Love, did not condemn the use of condiments in that incident, but, instead, only chided the fetishist for using condiments that were later used by others. From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. This article needs additional citations for verification. Please help improve this article by adding citations to reliable sources.

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